WHY THE F*%#! AUDI PLANS TO ADD MORE ALPHANUMERIC TO ITS NAMES!

Apparently, what Audi really needs is some more alphanumeric nonsense added to their names... They have determined that this is the thing most missing from its popular lineup – they need a longer, more complicated string of alphanumeric model designations.

Really?

Beginning with the launch of the 2018 A8 this year, the brand will add a two-digit sub designation to all 2018 models to delineate their respective power outputs – regardless of the makeup of their powertrains.

Audi said on Wednesday that the naming system for the S and RS models, as well as the R8 high-performance coupe, won't be changed – so at least we get that.

Audi explained the new designations in a statement on Wednesday:

"The reference value for the new model designations is the power output of the individual model in kilowatts (kW). Audi is thus subclassifying its model range into different performance levels – each identified by a two-numeral combination. For example, the number combination "30" will appear on the rear of all models with power outputs between 81 and 96 kW. And "45" stands for power output between 169 and 185kW. The top of the Audi model range is the performance class above 400kW, which is identifiable by the number combination "70". In each case, the numerals appear along with the engine technology – TFSI, TDI, g-tron or e-tron."

So... 30, 45 and 70? Nope. 

"The number of combinations identifying the performance levels in the Audi product range increase the increments of five, and they represent the hierarchy within both the respective models series and the brand's overall model range. According to the new nomenclature, in the future, the spectrum will range from the Audi Q2 30 TFSI with 85kW to the Audi Q7 50 TDI with 200kW."

Why THE FUCK does Audi want to further complicate its naming nomenclature? 

Apparently, for "clarity" – according to Dietmar Voggenreiter, the board of management member for sales and marketing for Audi AG. 

"As alternative drive technologies become increasingly relevant, engine displacement as a performance attribute is becoming less important to our customers. The clarity and logic of structuring the designations according to power output make it possible to distinguish between the various performance levels," Voggenreiter said in the statement. 

According to a spokesman for Audi of America, the new naming structure "has not been confirmed for the US market, and we can't speculate any further at this time."

However, when asked how that squared with the release from Audi's international headquarters that the new naming structure would be global, the spokesman referred to the earlier statement and declined to speak further. 

Apparently, we'll be getting all of the new sub designations in 2018. 

So, we have some ridiculous Audi gibberish coming soon – but I guess the Audi A5 will become the Audi A5 55. Which gives us a bit of a laugh, because it shows what an A555 Audi is being.